All Thai'd Up

You know you're old when a night of sleeping results in a stiff neck and a jacked up shoulder. Maybe it was the nightmares about being kidnapped by a band of angry scientologists (no joke) that did all that damage, I don't know. But I do know that I was in so much pain that cranky, quiet Staci came out last week. My chiropractor was out on Thursday so on the way home I saw a sign for Thai massage and pulled over and went in. The little man in the reception area smiled. "Where have you been? We've been waiting for you!" He asked me where I hurt, then ushered me into a tiny stall and handed me a pair of paper underwear. Ugly paper underwear. I still don't understand why I had to give up my own underwear for the paper underwear, but I figured it was a Thai thing, so I went with it. I crawled under the thin sheet and waited until an older Thai woman shuffled in. And proceeded to climb up onto the table and straddle my back. If I wasn't in so much pain I would have laughed at the absurdity of a stranger sitting on top of me like that. And let me tell you, that lady had some massively strong hands. Hands I've been waiting all my life to dig into the likes of my oft knotted muscles. For 40 minutes she pummeled and prodded my pressure points until I wanted to weep, but there was so much relief in the pain. She moaned and cried out when I moaned and cried out, somehow symbiotically identifying with what I was feeling. Afterwards she squeezed my hand and patted me. After I dressed and went out to pay, she was waiting. We hugged tightly for the gift of pain relief and her boss said "What you do? Why you so tight? What wrong?" Then he gave me a banana - "Free gift for you" (actually he said "flee gift") - and some water and sent me on my merry way. I am still sore, but now mainly from the bruises the strong lady left behind. Even still, I think I want to adopt her as my Thai masseuse granny sidekick. She's a superhero in my book.