Obstructed Views

I can't see the mountains behind my house. The smoke from the nearby fires is so thick, it hangs like a dirty brown blanket over much of Los Angeles today. There are hundreds of families facing tragic circumstances and even my mother is poised to evacuate if need be, as she's just a mile from the Anaheim Hills fires. If the wind were to change direction, well.....yikes! It made me think what I would take if my house was suddenly in danger of burning to the ground (I don't ever anticipate this - I'm not close to any brush or anything). My computer immediately came to mind, my file drawers,photos and some of my work, but heck if I didn't leave clothes out of the equation completely. So if tragedy were to strike, I could continue my virtual life, but I'd be naked. Which might not be half bad. It's really hot right now. The other thing I thought is that if my house and everything I owned was destroyed, it would be an interesting opportunity to start life anew. Hello, Peace Corps! Don't need many possessions to do that (although I should consider putting my passport at the top of my "rescue in case of fire" list). Or perhaps I'd just show up in some quaint small town and carve out a place for myself.

The fact that I started thinking this way leads me to believe I am starting to get a little restless at work. In fact, I know this is true because it's escaping my lips more frequently in conversation. Hopefully my boss doesn't read my blog. I have a great job. It's flexible, I have very little oversight, and I only work four days a week. I also believe in the work I get to do, but get frustrated with the political aspects and other things that get in the way. I was just thinking the other day that hey, I don't want to lead an organization. Really! I want to follow directions. Don't make me the go-to person, but just the get-it-done person. I started praying for guidance, for God to give me the wisdom to discern the things I should invest my time in. "I don't want to be a leader, God! I don't think that's my gift!" So, this morning my pastor's wife stopped me after church and asked me to pray about leading a group to India. They need someone who went last year and she can't lead this time around. Can I tell you how much the idea of that freaks me out? I told her I'd think about it, pray about it...and I will. And I'm kind of hoping that the answer is heck no, Staci can't go. But I felt gently reminded that if for some reason it becomes clear that this IS something I should take on, I needn't worry. We all know who the real leader would be. According to the Bible, Moses had a speech impediment. When God told Moses to free the Israelites from slavery in Egypt, Moses said, "But my Lord, never in my life have I been a man of eloquence, either before or since you have spoken to your servant. I am a slow speaker and not able to speak well" (Exodus 4:10). God reassured Moses that he was the man for the job and told him that his brother Aaron would speak to the Israelites on behalf of Moses. Problem solved.

Maybe I'm free and clear! Unlike Moses, none of my brothers would be candidates to pick up my shortcomings in this situation. And frankly, I don't think any of them can hack Indian food for three weeks straight...