The steady hum of a ventilator, the occasional beeping of heart and blood pressure monitors - noises that are too jarring, hovering over the room like a thick blanket. Suffocating.
I had never been in an ICU before today. I wasn't prepared, but I suppose no one ever really is. You try to psych yourself out - "Pull it together, pull it together" - before going in, but it's useless. I held my little brother's hands as he cried; he held me when I walked in the room, saw my stepdad, then turned around to choke back the wave of tears. After a few minutes, I took a breath and walked over to the bed. We locked eyes. I held his hand, wiped his forehead, sat with him. Let Josh get a nap. This is too surreal. Unexpected and surreal. Memories surged through my mind - him dressed as Santa Claus, sweating profusely and proclaiming "Santa's HOT! Santa is HOT!!" Running around our spa with my cousin Jimmy in ladies' swimsuits pretending to be synchronized swimmers for a nutty family video. The first time I met him when I was nine. How he always reminded us of Chevy Chase in the movie Vacation.
My brother is in his 20's still. Too young to be going through this. But I admire the way he gently takes his father's hand and looks in his eyes, strokes his arm, and tells him he loves him.
Please, if you pray, pray for him and for my brother. Pray for his body to heal, for the infection to be obliterated, for his lungs to clear, for the hole to close, for peace, for comfort, for God's mercy.....
I had never been in an ICU before today. I wasn't prepared, but I suppose no one ever really is. You try to psych yourself out - "Pull it together, pull it together" - before going in, but it's useless. I held my little brother's hands as he cried; he held me when I walked in the room, saw my stepdad, then turned around to choke back the wave of tears. After a few minutes, I took a breath and walked over to the bed. We locked eyes. I held his hand, wiped his forehead, sat with him. Let Josh get a nap. This is too surreal. Unexpected and surreal. Memories surged through my mind - him dressed as Santa Claus, sweating profusely and proclaiming "Santa's HOT! Santa is HOT!!" Running around our spa with my cousin Jimmy in ladies' swimsuits pretending to be synchronized swimmers for a nutty family video. The first time I met him when I was nine. How he always reminded us of Chevy Chase in the movie Vacation.
My brother is in his 20's still. Too young to be going through this. But I admire the way he gently takes his father's hand and looks in his eyes, strokes his arm, and tells him he loves him.
Please, if you pray, pray for him and for my brother. Pray for his body to heal, for the infection to be obliterated, for his lungs to clear, for the hole to close, for peace, for comfort, for God's mercy.....
Posts
6 comments:
*praying*
Love,
P
Staci,
I am so sorry to learn about Ellis. I hope he pulls through this crisis. I know this must be tough on you guys.
Love You,
Dad
Love you Stac. Praying for you, too.
Yes, praying. Absolutely praying.
We will pray for him. Please call me if I can do anything for you.
Thank you for your prayers! It means the world and I'm happy to say that the news is a little better today. The doctor who had said on Saturday that he might not make it is more optimistic today. Maybe he rallied when family started flying in to see him yesterday. The hole might be starting to heal. Pretty amazing.
Post a Comment